Pet Asian peeve #837: Unecessary condiments in instant noodles

This might seem like an odd gripe but it’s one that sort of annoys me. I like instant noodles. When I live in Australia I rarely eat them because that Maggi bullshit is the most tasteless crap on the planet. You may as well boil shoelaces.

See in the middle you have Japanese noodles. Nishin’s Ichi noodles are brilliant. OMG they have the NICEST soup you’ve ever tasted. I could bottle that shit and drink it all day. But that’s why they’re really expensive. But at least the flavour is just right there in the tub. You don’t need to add shit. Maybe open one packet at the most, but that’s all.

But at the other end of the spectrum from this tasteless single-flavour-sachet crap is the hardcore SE Asian noodle. And they seem to believe that if it doesn’t contain 300 ingredients it’s no good. I was first blown away by the Mi Goreng from Indonesia which came with no less than FIVE flavour sachets. Fortunately they were all the same size and joined together, so with one snip you could open them all an squeeze them into the noodles.

Today I opened a really tasty looking pork in tomato sauce noodle from Vietnam. WHAT THE HELL ?! SIX PACKETS ?!? Not only was there six different flavour sachets, but TWO of them were “soup mix”. WHY ?! It’s just dried spices. Why are there TWO of them ? And how come one is really huge and the other one is so tiny that I’ve bought dime backs of crack that were bigger (I joke, I’ve never bought crack and I’ve never even seen what a dime looks like).

But seriously ? What are you trying to do ? Convince us that more little packets equals more delicious noodles ? Man, if I wanted to cook up a 7 ingredient meal I WOULD FUCKING COOK A REAL MEAL ! I eat instant noodles so that all I have to do is click boil on the kettle, chuck the water into a bowl with the noodles, and a few minutes later I have a tasty snack. I can cook. I’m a very good chef. But when I want to eat instant noodles I WANT THEM TO BE INSTANT ! Not to take ten minutes of preparation and opening a variety of little packets and ending up with sauces and shit all over my fingers (and the bed sheets).

Can we just please mix all the wet ingredients together and all the dry ingredients together in just two sachets please ? Maybe make the chilli separate in case people don’t want to add that. But don’t turn my instant noodles into a goddamn Jamie Oliver cooking adventure please ! They’re supposed to be easy… and INSTANT !

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2 Responses to Pet Asian peeve #837: Unecessary condiments in instant noodles

  1. Pete Kapiko says:

    Dude….you’re not Asian. You’re a fat white bloke!

    • pawz says:

      Who said I was Asian ? What the fuck does where you were born have to do with anything ?
      I was born in Australia to Australian parents, but I grew up in the South Pacific for most of my youth. I spent only a short time in Australia. Later I moved to Asia.

      Does that make me Australian, Pacific Islander or Asian ? If I had been born in Papua New Guinea like my father (to Australian parents) would that make me Papuan or would it make me Australian ? My father has a PNG birth certificate, but both his parents have Australian ones. What’s he ?

      Fuck your racism and bigotry Peter. You’ve commented on two of my posts now just to point out that I’m a “fat white guy”.
      Well, my Vietnamese fiance is only 50kg and SHE doesn’t complain that I’m fat. Nor does she complain that I’m white. She’s proud of me and she loves me.

      So how much do you think I care about YOUR opinion ? Why don’t you drop into Saigon and tell me yourself. We’ll see who’s the foreigner then.

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