Funny shit Vietnamese people say

I posted this as a message to the owner of a Youtube channel that does some REALLY hilarious Youtube videos. He’s a Viet Kieu. That means he is of Vietnamese descent but he lives overseas, in this case America. Here’s what I wrote to him:

Man, I just wanted to say this. I am an Australian and I have lived in Saigon for 2 years and I assimilate pretty well into Vietnamese culture. Last night I was at a western bar in district 1 and i ordered the only asian thing on the menu .. fried rice.. and i asked for chopsticks. the waitress Ngu looked at me and said “I’m not sure we have any for customers. noone’s ever eaten rice with chopsticks here before”. I didn’t do it to show off. I did it because I’d feel like a fucking retard if i ate rice with a spoon. But four different waitresses came and lifted up a spoon to offer me and I had to smile and say “khong. xin cam on”. They all laughed and Ngu said “Seriously, noone has ever done that in here before. All the staff think you’re hilarious”.

But my message is this… I was googling for something yesterday and for some reason “shit asian dads say” came up, and i clicked on it. I laughed so fucking hard I immediately sent the link to my friend Khanh and he goes “OMG you’re one of us. you are totally vietnamese” and i said “no but my kids will be”. My american friend came over to drink the local 30,000 dong rum as we often do and I showed him some of your videos. We sat there laughing our asses off over “asian beatings” and “shit asian moms say” for several hours. I said “I almost feel guilty and racist for laughing at this shit so much…. but if this viet kieu is allowed to laugh at this shit, surely i am too”.

After all, as a person born in Australia (though not having grown up there) I find the video at the end of this post fucking hilarious because it’s so insanely accurate in portraying Australian stereotypes.

But since I gave up on Australia being a decent, fair or uncorrupt place to live years ago, I live in Vietnam now and your videos absolutely fucking crack me up, coz I see that shit every day. You know I got told “I kill you” twice today ?
One time was from the owner of the bar where I DJ because despite working there for free every night, she decided that she needed money and issued me a week’s worth of bills, telling me i owed her 500,000 dong and hadnt paid in a week. I said “fuck off. i paid you just last night. i know i did coz i remember arguing with you having raised the price of rum, but i still paid anyway” and walked out.. She followed me out screaming “FUCK YOU ! FUCK YOU ! I KILL YOU ! I FUCKING KILL YOU”. I gave her the finger, mooned her in the street and yelled “xéo đi chó !”. The second time was when I was haggling with a 14 year old street vendor over a Cuban cigar and told him I was only willing to pay 100,000 dong and he goes “100,000 ? Omg. I kill you !”

I love the way the phrase “I kill you” is just common communication in Vietnam. It fucking cracks me up. Everyone says it. Even my Irish friend who’s only been here a month said to the bartender the other night “Saigon Red. And it’d better be cold or I kill you”. He laughed, the bartender laughed and I laughed. In Australia that’d be a death threat and you’d go to jail. In Vietnam it’s just regular communication.

Props on the videos man. That is some of the funniest shit I have seen on youtube in years. Ray William Johnson can go jerk off to his gay porn. You’re my number one youtube comedian now dude.

Xin cam on :)

And here is the video I was referring to, and a similar one laughing at Australian stereotypes so that you don’t think I’m being racist. It’s ok to laugh at cultural stereotypes sometimes, as long as no malice or insult is intended. We’re all funny people, and it never killed us to laugh at ourselves.

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